creative riff

My son is in jail, Miami-Dade County jail. He faces a felony charge for heroin possession and a misdemeanor charge for possession of drug paraphernalia. This isn’t the first time he is in jail; maybe it won’t be the last. Addiction invaded our home in 1991. It slithered in and sat down at our dining room table, grew large and fat, fed on our misery, laughing, mocking us with its power. It claimed Jeff when he was a fourteen-year-old boy. I did everything I could think of to save my son, but in the end I could do nothing, not really, to extricate him or to free our family from addiction’s claw. If you love or care about an addict, you know this feeling of helplessness.”

“Stagli vicino [stay close in Italian].” Libby Cataldi confronts demons in Stay Close, her deeply personal account of her battle and frustrations with her son’s fourteen-year-addiction to heroin, alcohol, meth and other drugs. The book’s title is taken from advice the author received while staying in Italy. The director of a recovery community in San Patrignano explained that those affected by addiction should never sever their bonds of love with the addict – instead they should move in closer to give the support necessary for recovery.

Cataldi’s journey with her son’s addiction began when he was a child growing up in Calvert County, Maryland. Jeff, Libby eldest son, has always been adept at social networking. When skateboarding and alternative music took off during the late ‘80s-early ‘90s it was all Cataldi could do keep her son in the same neighborhood. After numerous incidents of getting caught with animal tranquilizers, Jeff began his double life. In some ways he was a normal teenager who went off to boarding school and loved his younger brother, Jeremy. In other respects he was a full-time partygoer who would stay up all weekend to go to raves and use drugs.

Jeff’s personal journey with drugs is not the main focus of the story; instead Libby offers a rare perspective of a betrayed mother. Her journal entries expand upon Jeff’s story with his personal account of certain events added for clarification and atonement.

The unflinchingly personal details of the story lay bare the inner workings of a mother who worked within the Maryland school system for thirty years, yet struggled to reign in her own son. The pressures and experiences mount until the final chapters when I found myself struggling to still love Jeff. The idea that his battle with drugs cost his family hundreds of thousands of dollars blows my mind. My own mother explained that if I were in Jeff’s shoes she would not have put up with me after I walked out of a couple rehabilitation clinics.

If there was one area I wish the book expanded on it was Jeff’s final rehabilitation. The final two chapters deemphasize the most pivotal decision in Jeff’s life. I was left with more than a few questions as to how Jeff changed and what he is up to now. While this was not a deal breaker it does leave the reader begging for more insight into the moment when an addict decides to turn the ship around.

Cataldi’s writing reveals the years of deceit and lies that made up her life. The inner turmoil that addiction brings is in full force here. It is said that for every one addict four other non-addicts are affected. Jeff painstaking worked with his mother to write this story, yet it is ultimately his mother’s to tell. If you have ever lost someone to addiction Cataldi’s story offers clues for coping. Fortunately, I have never developed any sort of substance addiction, but I feel like I am better prepared for the future having read Stay Close.

Rating:

Last semester, I met a friend of my aunt who currently resides in Florence, Italy. I got into contact with her after my aunt shot me her e-mail address. She was the principal at my younger cousin’s high school in Maryland.  Sitting in the famous tourist restaurant, Trattoria Mario’s, sharing a Bistecca Fiorentina (Steak Florence-style) Libby Cataldi explained the premise of her first book.

Running through her Italian heritage and her child psychology background, Libby told me that her youngest son developed an addiction to heroin at around the age of 13. He was an addict for the better part of the next 14 years, managing to graduate college and get a prestigious job in New York City’s financial district. Libby Cataldi spent the past two years in Italy helping her son heal while enjoying the country that her own mother would not allow her to visit when she was younger (Italian immigrants to the United States during the 1920s-1940s view Italy as “the old country”).  Libby explained to me that drug rehabilitation centers in the United States let patients leave after a maximum of three months. In Italy, they demand a minimum of two years to fully change a person’s habits.

The book Stay Close is her son’s battle with his addiction and the depression Libby developed based on her “uselessness” towards helping her son. Libby worked with kids for the entirety of her professional career which lasted nearly 30 years. This book is the journal she kept during her son’s drug treatment with additional commentary provided by her son, Jeff Cataldi.

The book was released on Tuesday and I will have a review up when I finish. I’m sure that I won’t be able to recommend it to everyone, but just talking with her for an hour or so adds a deep layer of personal interest.